Today
by Divergent338
Summary: Kensi Blye had gone from his hard ass partner who refused to let loose for even a heartbeat, to his best friend and that terrified him. It terrified him because he couldn't even begin to pinpoint the moment she became the most important person in his life, but yet he knew with every cell in his body that she was.


**I finished it! After all this work I finally did it! This was the hardest thing I've ever written handwriting while moving didn't help, but I hope you like it. And I hope the fact that it was written in little chunks doesn't make it disjointed. Special thanks to ncisabbylover and homegrownoregano for helping me with this!**

 **This is a tag to the Blye, K episodes.**

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He was waiting for her on the doorstep when she walked up the sidewalk, growling under her breath as she pressed a hand to her agitated ribs.

His head tilted back against the glass of her double doors and his arms carelessly tossed across his knees, Kensi almost thought he was asleep. Almost.

"If you want one of those beers you've got another thing comin' to you, Deeks."

"Oh God," he groaned, bracing himself with one hand against the door to propel himself to his feet. "A beer would be nice, the other thing could be nicer though."

"Shut up." She stalked by him, smacking his shoulder lightly with the back of her hand before pausing between his body and the door, keys held in carefully in her fingers.

"What are you doing here, Deeks?" Her tone was light; probing. Her eyebrows arched slightly.

"I dunno," he shrugged and stuffed his hands deep in pockets of his jacket. "Came to see if my partner was good, I guess. Needed to see I have to find someone else to watch my magnificent ass while I shoot bad guys."

Her fist dodged out before her even saw it, landing with a satisfying think on his chest.

"Ahh, God!" He whimpered, pulling a hand free to rub at his chest. "Yeah, no. I think you're in good enough shape."

"Yeah?" Kensi grinned and nodded slowly, twisting to push her key into the lock. She was just placing her palm on the cool metal of the doorknob when he stopped her with a few choice words.

"Kensi, are you okay?"

It was the sincerity in his voice that made her turn; the honestly in his clear blue eyes that made her draw in a quick breath in shock and it was the way his arm twitched against his torso, _almost_ as if it wanted to move across the invisible barrier between them and wrap itself around her chilled body that made something tighten in her chest and caused a heavy, warm feeling to course through her.

"I'm - I'm better than I could be, and..." She paused, mulling over her next words. "And I think I'm going to be fine. Thanks for today, Deeks." She shifted, rocking forward on her toes and nervously smoothed back a few stray hairs that had escaped her ponytail. "I- uh. It meant a lot how you helped me through today."

"Anytime, partner." He mumbled, feet shuffling on the concrete.

She finally twisted the doorknob and pushed it open, reveling the messiness of her apartment to them both. Deeks peeked around her shoulder to get a better view and smirked, before turning, presumably to head back to his own sterile place.

"Hey Deeks." She called to his back.

"Yeah?" He turned again, taking a causal stance on her sidewalk.

"You want to, uh. You wanna come in?"

"Yeah, sure." He stared at her for just a moment, his eyes blinking slowly in obvious confusion. It wasn't like he didn't spend nearly every evening at her apartment already, making fun of her messiness or food choices, or just being there after a tough case to lend support and a steady shoulder for her to fall asleep on. But he always forced his way, with fake protests from her and sometimes a solid punch to his shoulder as he pressed by her semi opened door to walk inside. She _never_ invited him, _never_ acted like she wanted him there, and always, dear God, _always_ whispered a thank God under her breath when he finally pulled himself off the couch to leave for the night.

Now here she was. Here _Kensi Blye_ was. Standing in her doorway, nervously leaning against the frame, her teeth digging into her bottom lip and her fingers pressed to her side in a poor attempt to stop the pain from the round that nearly pieced her skin.

"You should probably let me take another look at that, Kens." He offered, gesturing towards her side as he spoke.

"Maybe later, I got some frozen peas in the freezer I stick on 'em."

His eyebrows disappeared into his hairline almost immediately. "You? _You_ have got frozen peas? I shudder to think what the expiration date on those poor things might be."

"Shut up," she chuckled, then winced. Reaching out she snagged his shirt front and tugged him into the apartment. "My neighbors will think we're weirdos, having a conversation on my doorstep."

"Of course." He pulled out his striped shirt, loosing the indentations her fingers made in the soft cotton, as she swung the door shut behind them. "And you dragging me into the place will be considered normal by all who see it."

"Ehh." She grinned over her shoulder, sliding the blinds down on the door. "They seen and _heard_ much stranger things coming from here before."

"Really?" He cocked his head to the side, enjoying the mixture of amusement and embarrassment spreading across her too pale face. Stepping over several piles of unwashed clothes and random stacks of magazines he hates to think she's subscribed to, Deeks found his way to her tiny kitchen. Poking past more than a few ice cream cartons and a couple Ziploc bags filled some unidentifiable beige stuff, he found a small bag of sure to be freezer burned peas. Peeking behind the flap he he glanced at the expiration date filled with false hope. God, he grimaced. She must have brought these and stuffed them away _years_ ago.

A small smile spread over his features as he noted the junk food displayed predominantly across the kitchen. "That's my girl."

"Deeks?" Her voice rung out around the apartment. "You better not be snooping back there!"

"Never, Princess." He trudged out, handing her the vegetables and watching as she flopped gracefully down on the old cushions of her couch, letting out a brief hiss of pain as she rested the peas on her sore side.

"You okay?" His tone was serious again, dropping the light teasing banter from before.

"Yeah, I'm great." She faked a smile and adjusted the bag at her side, keeping her shirt as a barrier between her and icy coldness.

"Mm-hmm." He stayed standing, eyeing her suspiciously as she shifted around on the cushions, attempting to find a position that didn't aggravate her ribs. "You sure you're good?"

Sitting up straight with a huff of exasperation, half from her discomfort, half from his constant persistence she propped a pillow behind her head and smoothed several falling locks of hair from her forehead. "Deeks. I'm _fine_. I swear, okay?"

"Yeah..." Suddenly glancing behind himself at her cluttered coffee table, Deeks bent at the waist and lifted a large stack of magazines, with a single cup and plate balanced precariously on top of them from the surface, resting his ass on the tiny corner he cleared, Deeks carefully lifted her foot into his lap.

"Um, what the hell are you doing?" Kensi said, too shocked and enjoying the feeling of his fingers tracing the outline of her ankle through her sock far too much to pull her foot from his hands.

"You," he said, his fingers deftly untying her laces. "Are going to shower and put on something that isn't jeans now. And I'm doing this because I don't want you bending over and putting stress on those ribs." He paused, a slow grin spreading over his face. "Unless of course you-"

"Quit while you're ahead." The heel of her boot pressed lightly against his thigh, an easy warning that contradicted the twinkle showing her mismatched eyes for the first time all day and the tiny smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

"Yeah, no. Good plan." His eyes focused on her boot, finishing untying the last knot and pulling up her other foot to do the same."C'mon." Grabbing her wrists lightly in his hands, Deeks tugged up her up the couch.

" _Deeeeks_." She groaned, not moving, and ignoring how painfully close they were, their denim clad thighs mere inches away from each other.

"Go Princess." He ordered, his mouth smiling and his eyes portraying a seriousness that normally lay hidden in their depths, but had come to the surface, betraying his usual easygoing natural, _far too many_ times in that sorrowful day.

Smacking her palm against her hip, Kensi sighed heavily and used both hands to push the hair out of her face. "Fine." She surprised even herself as she gave in. "But no snooping."

His eyes narrowed playfully and he smirked boldly down at her. "So you mean no more than usual? Or..."

Rolling her eyes, Kensi stalked by him, snagging a pillow from her couch on her way and tossing it in his direction, letting it land with a thump against his chest. "Idiot," she muttered almost silently, internally denying the soft smile touching her lips.

Flopping back down on the space she'd vacated, Deeks juggled the abandoned peas from hand to hand, paying close attention to the shuffling noises further back in the apartment, finally interrupted by the hiss of the shower spray.

And God he finally relaxed, settling back into the lumpy cushions. The fear and unrest that had been pulsing through him all day coming to a churning halt. The fear mixed with anger when he'd realized Granger's malicious intent, the _fury_ when he was forced to watch her being led away, and _absolutely mind-blowing_ terror that had followed him, covering his every thought like a shroud for every solitary second.

The terror that something unspeakable would happen. That forces he had no power against would separate her from everything familiar. That the gunshots he had heard echoing around the park would pierce her skin and tear through her surprisingly fragile body. That somehow, some way _he_ would lose her.

God, he doesn't think he's ever been _so_ afraid. Only Sam's firm hand stopped him from charging through the undergrowth and trees just to find her, just to see her, just to know she was okay.

The terror had diminished just a little when they found the clearing absent of her blood and her body, when he heard she was still strong enough to kick a large, trained man's ass. And oh he couldn't help the pride that flowed through him at those words; that his girl, _his Kensi_. Was out there, was still strong, was still _fighting_. God he swore he'd never been more proud to call her his partner as he was that moment.

But that moment, that she said those few words _you're the only person I trust._ That moment his world broke apart and fell together all at once.

Because he needed her. He needed her like he'd never needed _anything_ before, but the need was inexplicable to him; the want was different than anything he'd ever known.

Kensi Blye had gone from his hard ass partner who refused to let loose for even a heartbeat, to his best friend and that terrified him. It terrified him because he couldn't even begin to pinpoint the moment she became the most important person in his life, but yet he knew with every cell in his body that she was.

His world broke because those aching feelings; those feelings he _oh so_ desperately ignored for the sake of everything around them became so vivid, so real when he realized that the deep trust he placed in her since the day he offered his gun to her from across the SRX, that trust was not one sided and the touch of pleading in her voice told him that those nights spent lazily on a couch with fast food and reality TV weren't something she felt compelled to do; they were something she wanted. And maybe even _craved_.

But his world fell together, because maybe, just maybe those ignored feelings could be brought to the surface. Maybe they could even be replicated by the Badass woman who didn't even do second dates. Didn't even do first dates now that he thought of it. Those nights when she would have dressed up before to impress some guy likely just looking to get in her pants had been replaced, had been replaced by beer, burgers, bad movies, and _him_.

He sometimes wished that nearly every moment of day wasn't spent with her, off the clock or on it. Because it simply made it so much _harder_ to press those pesky emotions down; those pesky emotions that insisted that there was more to them than just a beautiful friendship. But when she lightly teases him during a stakeout, or, lets her head ease its way down onto his shoulder after a movie ends late, he knows, he knows that deep down he wouldn't change a thing about his Kensi and the moments with her. Not a single thing.

But something, _something_ about that day stuck a nerve he had forgotten had even existed. The same cold chills running down his spine as when he had watched his mother falling to the ground sobbing as a little boy, his father standing above her, arm raised for yet another blow; that chill hit when she was alone in her mother's house with him; with the man determined to murder her, because she never gave up.

And that sweet relief that gushed through his very soul when he knew, knew she was really fine. That she had really survived that treacherous day.

When the shower finally stopped and she stepped back into the tiny living room, hair in a wet, curly mess and dressed in yoga pants and a baggy sweatshirt that looked suspiciously like one of his, Deeks had relaxed deep into the cushions and composed him from the heavy emotions flowing through him just a moment earlier.

"You good?" He questioned from his spot on the couch.

"Better, yeah." She almost mumbled, her teeth were digging into the corner of her bottom lip and a hand was nervously tugging at the other's sleeve. "Warm water helped."

Swallowing his 'I told you so' Deeks slid across the couch, creating space for his partner, but still making sure she would be close; because he needed her to be close. He couldn't explain why, but he just needed her, needed the security blanket of knowing with one hundred percent certainty she was fine and would continue to be fine.

She appeared surprisingly hesitant to approach him, and sat down almost gingerly (though that could just be her ribs), inching her way over to be as close to the armrest as possible.

"Your ribs?"

"Uhh.." She twisted, bracing her back against the armrest and pulling her bare feet up onto the couch, resting them on a throw pillow, mere inches from his thigh. "They hurt like a bitch, but they're fine, I think."

"Okay." He smiled and couldn't help but drop his hand on her ankle briefly, squeezing the soft, smooth skin.

A small shiver chased through her body in response to his touch and Kensi cursed inwardly as Deeks' eyes narrowed.

"Here." Reaching behind himself, Deeks tugged the knitted blanket from the back of her couch and handing it to her, draping it halfway over her shoulders as he did so.

She murmured a nearly silent thanks and pulled the old blanket tighter around her damp body.

"Listen," she burst out suddenly and Deeks' head immediately turned towards her, his blond curls flying slightly, and Kensi was stuck for a moment by the intensity of his eyes.

"Hmm?"

"I - uh. I." She paused; the words that been so ready to spill out just seconds earlier now seemingly frozen on her tongue. "I appreciate what you did with my mom, Deeks. It - uh, it good to talk with her again."

"It went well?"

She shrugged. "Better than expected; she was just like I remembered, and she invited me over for lunch this Saturday." Her head dropped and she mumbled the next words so quietly he barely caught them.

"What was that?"

"I said," her face rose and her eyes daringly met his. "That she'd like you to come. Something about thanking you for keeping your promise."

"That sounds delightful." Deeks grinned. "A luncheon with the spectacular Blye women."

"Feldman," she corrected. "And please don't make a big deal out of this."

"Oh but it is a big deal, Princess. I'm meeting the Mom."

"Well genius, you've already met my Mom and I'm expecting you to keep your twisted thoughts far away from her."

Both his hands rose into the air in a sign of surrender. "I'll be good, scouts honor."

A smile spread across her face and she poked his thigh with her big toe, letting her foot linger against his jeans. "You weren't a boy scout, Deeks."

"Details, Ms. Blye. Details." He scoffed. His ocean blue eyes locked with hers, the playful laughter draining from them and a startlingly depth filling. And God, _if that didn't_ terrify and thrill her at the same time.

"You good?" He finally asked when her silence became unsettling, but the way his voice had dropped an octave, the it came out as almost a husky whisper did nothing to ease her slight trembling.

She almost hissed 'I'm fine', almost propelled herself forward to slug his arm; instead she forced a thin smile and replied with a tight "I'm good."

He nodded and turned away from her, staring at nothing in particular for a few brief moments before his voice broke through the silence again. "You called me today."

She snorted lightly. "I call you everyday, Deeks. It's not exactly a big deal."

"No." He turned back to her, his tone insistent. "You called me today after we found Megan Stevens; the real Megan Stevens. But why? Why did you call me? Why didn't you say anything?"

Kensi pulled her feet away from him and pushed forward, resting them on three floor and her elbows on her knees. "I don't know. I was tired, not thinking straight. Don't worry about it; I'm sorry it even happened."

His hand on her shoulder gently pulls her back, then disappears just as quickly as it came. "Don't be, Kens. I'm glad you did; it - uh, it would have been nice to hear your voice though."

Leaning back against the couch, Kensi propped her head on the cushions and smirked back at him. "Missed me that much, huh? Guess you just can't handle a day without me, can you?" She teased, the lightness of her tone setting an easiness to the previous tense, emotional moment.

"Oh speak for yourself, Missy! You just had to call me, didn't you? Just had to hear my lovely voice, so everything would make sense in the Kensi world again."

His words, his inflection, everything about what he'd just uttered had been gentle, teasing, but it struck a nerve deep within her that hurt to be touched. His words _hurt_ , his words hurt because they were closer to the truth than he could ever dream, closer to the truth than she liked to admit to herself. Instantly she shrunk within herself and pulled the blanket tight as it would go around her. Anything to keep the feelings, the emotions inside. Anything to keep him from getting further inside her than he already was.

"Kensi?" He was worried in an instant, of course he was. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Deeks!" This time she did hiss the words out, glaring at him all the while. "Just fine. You've got to stop asking me that."

His formerly steady gaze drifted the floor in between his shoes, now shifty and nervous. "Yeah." A hand lifted to rub at the back of his neck. "I'm just - I'm just worried about you, Kens."

The emotion behind his words; the sincerity echoing through them. It makes something in her chest expand and tighten all at once and Kensi gasps, both for breath and for clarity. Because God...this conversation has become all too real.

Closing her hand around his fist she squeezed and didn't let go until he meets her eyes. "I know you're worried; I shouldn't have snapped and you're right to be worried. I'm not - I'm not as good as I want to be. What you said about that call though, it just, uh. It was something like that, I guess."

Then his gaze locked with hers and time seemed to absolutely slow down; nothing existed but the way his blue eyes softened, yet grew more intense than she ever seen them; a certain truth lingering deep inside of them that _terrified_ her, but set her entire being on fire at the same time.

And God when he surged forward, gasping the back of her neck with a palm and letting his mouth collide with hers, she couldn't contain the small gasp that escaped her, or the heated whimper that followed just a moment later.

She told herself, insisted that it was adrenaline still pumping through her veins; that it was because she was still emotional from all that occurred; that was what made her grasp his shirt tightly in her fists. That was what made her lean into his touch, eagerly parting her lips.

Because it just felt so incredibly good. Every touch of his lips on hers absolutely begging her to just give in and hold on tight to the moment. And it wasn't how good it felt that had Kensi Blye terrified; it was how right it felt.

One hand wrapped around her neck and the other cupping her chin, his thumb softly and almost subconsciously stroking her jawline, Deeks gently tilted her head, deepening the kiss and swallowing the tiny moan that left her.

Everything felt so incredibly clear all at once, but somehow a thick haze seemed to cloud all of his thoughts; it made time seem to last forever and it all felt unnaturally slow as he was aware of every place their lips melded together.

Because God... he was drowning in the taste of her, the smell of her, the feel of her, and he wasn't sure he ever wanted to be saved. A thousand reasons for why they shouldn't be doing this were pressed to the back of his mind, pushed aside so his thoughts could be crowded by _her._ And he was caught in the moment, so caught up with Kensi Blye's mouth on his, he barely noticed her suddenly tensing, barely felt her hands unfist from his shirt and lightly press him back. But he did and God when he did, he immediately wrenched himself away from her, throwing himself to his feet and running a hand through his hair over and over.

"Oh God, Kens. I'm so sorry; that wasn't supposed to happen, I swear. I'm so sorry, Kensi."

"Don't." She rose a hand, stopping his incessant babbling. "Just stop, it's not your fault."

"Kensi..."

"Just - just sit down, Deeks. It's fine. I promise it's fine."

His mouth opened and closed again, unformed words lying silently on his tongue. Slowly and ever so gingerly he lowered himself back down beside, keeping a safe distance away, and pretending jot to notice how her tongue casually poked out and probed her bottom lip, searching for any lingering taste of him.

It was a moment later before he finally spoke. "That never happened, did it?"

"No. No it didn't." She shook her head and ignored the way his eyes dropped, the way her stomach dropped along side them.

Stretching out she snatched the remote from the messy coffee table and switched on the ancient television in front of them. "Let's just watch some TV."

"Yeah..." Another rake of his fingers through his unruly curls and then his hand fell to the armrest, his hand aimlessly rubbing along the rough fabric and a soft sigh slipping from his lips every few minutes.

Kensi forced herself to concentrate on the mindless reality show going on in front of her. Made herself be lost in the endless drama of Ryan Seacrest's announcements, but she couldn't. Not all the way at least; at part of her, much of her if she was really honest with herself was lost in him. Was lost in the softness of his lips and how perfect they felt on hers. Wrapped up in the circle of his muscular arms was her utopia. And God that terrified her, but still, still she felt that small rush of pleasure, a feeling of _heat_ pooling in her stomach and she never wanted it to stop. That should terrify her even more, but instead it made it all the more thrilling.

He'd kissed her; he'd kissed like there was nothing else he wanted, like there was nothing more he wanted, like she was all he needed. And _damn her_ she kissed him back the same way.

When he was assigned to be her partner she'd never expected to need him this much, to want him this much, but God she did and though it always seemed like he was the one saving her, she doubted he could save her this time. Marty Deeks was dragging her head first into something she'd never even known that she wanted, but now that she'd but a little taste, she wanted more; she needed nothing more.

The tension from the day and the taste of Deeks on her lips mixed with her pain and exhaustion and Kensi nearly collapsed right then and there, but still she strugged, scared for him to see her so vulnerable after such an intimate moment. But she lost the willpower to ward off her tiredness and drooping eyelids, finally letting herself drift off and surrender to much needed sleep.

It was nearly midnight and a one terrible movie later that she found herself tucked behind his slumbering body on the couch. How she got this particular position she wasn't sure, but she had stopped questioning that months ago.

His back gently rose with each heavy breath and Kensi couldn't help herself from reaching out and stroking it's cotton covered expanse. So caught up in the warmth of skin under his shirt and the soft rise and fall of his back, Kensi didn't notice his suddenly unsteady breathing as he awoke, or how he quickly covered it up.

Under the guise of him still being unconscious to the world, Kensi spoke. "I'm sorry. Really. I shouldn't have pushed you away; you'd have never done that. And that - that didn't happen today, Deeks. It didn't happen _today_."


End file.
